Archive for the ‘Seekers’ Category

Limerance, Getting Over a Break-up, How to Get Over Breaking Up, How to Heal From a Broken Heart

Friday, April 15th, 2011
In my practice and on a regular basis I’m exposed to lovers remorse, lovers shunned, and just plain unhappy lovers. I’m no stranger to the joys and scars that loving someone can produce.
It’s my focus and joy to help clients see what happened, what is happening, and what will happen based on the current situation.
While this article is focused on limerant behaviour, the major cause for it and most importantly how to get over a fixation or misplaced love for another person, it may also be useful for anyone trying to get over someone.


Limerance, defined by Wiki.

After consulting many clients and reflecting on personal experiences it’s been found the tension of ambiguity and hope causes, develops, and sustains limerence after the LO (Love Object also referenced here as love interest) has injected some sort of “sparkle” into your life. If there’s a sense that a perpetuating false or half-hearted involvement is occurring (unrequited limerence) and your love interest or yourself is confronted about that (so your connection may be seen for what it truly is) the healing process can begin.

Here’s what to do to help you get over being limerant, a break-up, heartbreak, connection:

  1. Deeply analyze what you are or were getting out of the connection. Whether you hash this out with your love interest; a traditional therapist; psychic coach or counselor (like myself); a close, sympathetic, and understanding friend; forum or online community group such as Tribe, etc. make sure you do it. Why? Once clarity is found, the past can be cleared, closure can be gained, forward movement with open energy can begin, and a strategy not to repeat what doesn’t work and to ignite energy into what can. Write out all your questions… all your Why’s… and then set about getting them answered to your satisfaction.
  2. Cut-off all ties or at the very least diminish involvement or exposure to your LO, as difficult as that is. Basically invoke the no contact rule. Don’t visit your LO’s page on social media sites such as Facebook, MySpace, or LiveJournal or don’t visit the site at all if it’s hard not to. Don’t check your personal email, for a few days at a time to a week, if they happen to keep contacting you. Remove their number from your phone (you can place their number elsewhere). etc… This is an exercise in self-discipline and will give the added benefit of knowing you accomplished something difficult, when successful.
  3. Would you be friends if you didn’t, couldn’t sleep with them? Would you want to just hang out and not be romantic or touchy at all? If you can say yes, they are a keeper. If not, it’s time to cut the ties permanently. Even if you can say yes, it’s still time to cut ties temporarily until you can reset, rebalance, and compose yourself. However, keep in mind an LO can say or do things that will spin your world upside down no matter how much distance has taken place. In these cases, sometimes it’s just best to find that deep and intense connection elsewhere.
  4. Don’t put any stock in what you see or hear unless it’s something solid and clear. Otherwise, view it as a quirk of theirs and that they just have no ability to be direct, forthright, and honest with you as they are emotionally unavailable.
  5. If there’s anything that connects you to your love interest that you can not stop doing or having, change the connection or association. You will need to do this consciously. Start adding new meaning to an activity, object, etc. that is NOT connected to your LO. Remove or hide anything vaguely related to them. Out of sight gets you to out of mind.
  6. Take a good hard look at their flaws. I know this is hard to do. A lot of my clients, when asked: What are their flaws? well, they can’t see any at first. :/ I know this is hard to do but if you don’t allow yourself to do it, it’s not going to help. If you need an objective listener and questioner to help you see the flaws, call me. If you find your self-esteem is low and needs a boost, call me.
  7. What Lessons Learned were learned? What did you learn about yourself? List the good, the bad, and the ugly. After all the hurt and pain, what do you resolve to repeat or NOT repeat going forward? What did you find were your strengths? What were your challenges? My friend J.G. reminded me to remind you to remember your value and worth, that the love and strengths brought to any connection can be carried over to a new connection / relationship.
  8. I have asked this question to limerent people and I always get quite a lame response: What do you love about your LO? If you are saying: I don’t know or It’s just something about them or something else that has nothing to do with qualities of that person you (or anyone else) would love separate and distinct from your connection to them; you do NOT love them. You do NOT see them for who they are.
  9. Read stories about other limerants, those who have broken up, breaking up, get community help and be involved in helping other people deal with their broken hearts and minds. It helps to know you are not alone, not crazy, and it may give more clues to what happened, what is happening, and what will happen when all is said and done. It also helps to keep reading other people’s stories especially when you are cycling back into a fantasy or hope for the relationship to be more than what it is which is, to be blunt, nothing.

This is what to do to bring life back into your world:

  1. Continue to improve yourself (a side benefit of limerance) but also begin accomplishing some of your other dreams and desires that may have been dependent upon your LO reciprocating your love. Basically “get-on” with your life.
  2. Don’t waste your day thinking about tomorrow. Plans made today about tomorrow can then be worked today. Focus on TODAY! Thinking about a future that is out of one’s control causes anxiety. So unless a plan is being made for tomorrow, barring positive visualization and preparation tasks, just enjoy every moment, today — as it comes.
  3. Set new goals and create new projects. Perhaps it’s cleaning out your closet, organizing some paperwork, putting together an educational application, etc.
  4. What was missing in your life before your love interest entered and more importantly how can you get that back from something else, someone else and in a constructive way.
  5. Meet new people. Yup, I know. There’s no one better than your LO. It’s going to be hard but just force yourself to meet new people and learn to accept that very few people are going to give you that high. Then again, very few people are going to give you that low either. That’s a good thing! Or how about hooking up with old friends before all this crap came crashing down upon you.
  6. Which brings me to spirituality, faith, and religion. Turn to it. Buddhism is a great place if you are not sure where to go. Philosophically or otherwise, for a lot of people, it encourages a sense of peace and non-attachment. It’s very Pisces in many ways. Dealing with concepts such as acceptance, compassion, and letting go.
  7. Work out. Eat well. Sleep. Take Your Vitamins. Plans things to do the night before so when you wake, you know what to do.
  8. Keep yourself busy. Put together pampering days for yourself. Book a massage, spa day, or mini hotel getaway with swimming pool.
  9. Fake it till you make it. So you are still pining over Mr. or Ms. Wonderful. Just keep telling yourself they aren’t and you aren’t. Eventually it will take. 😉

Is there something wrong with me?

What I want you all to know is that a) you are NOT crazy or sick b) your LO is / was probably doing or saying something that is / was consciously or subconsciously ambiguous, undefined and giving you some sense of hope that your interest is being / would be reciprocated. c) Yes, in some way, they DO like the attention. However, do understand it comes from a place of self-interest or selfishness. Your needs are not generally thought of.

Where do I go from here?

It will take some time to move forward; however, you must WANT to. As can be read from various personal stories (see links below), some limerant people just have the nature to be limerant and quite enjoy the high and rush that comes along with it. Some like not doing anything about it due to fear of having to take responsibility for their lives again: What’s next? However, this shows a lack in their life and they can gain pleasure and a game plan by other healthy and constructive means with a dose of soul searching. All the best and if you need a helpful ear, 🙂

I have also found stories, articles, blog posts from BaggageReclaim useful for spotting and dealing with problematic and toxic people: Example — How to Spot an Emotionally Unavailable Man –> Scroll down to the bottom for blog comments.

Further Learning

Links on Limerance

Videos — #1 #2
Wiki —
Article on the Power of Love & Limerance —

12 points of “What is Limerance” and How to get over it:
Is it possible to overcome limerant feelings yet remain close friends?:

Personal Stories about Limerance:
Top 1000 Reasons we Hate Limerance:

More on Love & Limerance

Effective Toronto Psychic Readings: Psychic Life Coaching

Saturday, March 13th, 2010

Toronto Psychic Life Coaching

Psychic Life Coaching is a preferred way of using psychic gifts because it’s more effective, productive, and long lasting especially for complex or long standing issues.  Psychic Life Coaching allows for connecting with a client over a period of time so that they may achieve goals that are set and defined in an introduction session.  Instead of having all the answers, the client is empowered to make their own decisions in connection to insight and recommendations given as well as powerful questions to help the client investigate reasons, thoughts, and feelings.

Many times the reason for relationships going sour is a non or misunderstanding of the other person’s motivations, strengths, challenges, personality type, way of living and breathing.  That misunderstanding includes the client’s lack of knowledge about themselves too.  In a pyschic life coaching session we peel onion layer by layer or pull the petals away from the flower to expose the core self.

In a psychic life coaching session you can also experience a healing, advice, support, professional friendship, and…

  • Find, set, and meet goals
  • Overcome blockages
  • Get powerful insights
  • Feel better
  • Connect with someone who cares
  • Be the star that I know you are!

Now while it’s simplest to call what I do Psychic Life Coaching, I am truly more of a Wisdom Guide in that I guide you towards and help you become more confident in your own wisdom.

You may Learn about:

  • money, career, relationships, family, education, health, etc.
  • heal, grow, lift your spirits,
  • what happened, what is happening, and what will happen
  • motivations, reasons, and patterns
  • karmic and soul connections and lessons
  • yourself and your environment more deeply.


  • questions asked
  • a healing
  • to grow
  • to be heard and understood
  • to hear and understand
  • advice
  • homework
  • to focus on one goal at a time
  • let the process unfold

Subscribe to a series of 8 powerful Psychic Life Coaching sessions and experience a beautiful difference in your life.

Certified Professional Tarot Reader: Does it matter?

Saturday, February 13th, 2010
Someone asked me today if being a certified pro tarot reader meant anything.  I said it didn’t mean much to me but it can mean a lot to the public which is why I got it in the first place.
Being certified is something I got for the public, to ease their concerns about booking an appointment with me.   It wasn’t something I got for myself.  If I thought certification didn’t matter to the general public, I wouldn’t have got it.


  • It showed I was serious about offering my services.  I’m certified under the name “Abella Arthur”.
  • I had to create a code of ethics.  So I had to re-think what I wanted and didn’t want to do at the time.
  • It showed that my peers believed I could read well, professionally.
  • It showed I had an understanding of tarot and how it works.
  • It showed I wanted to approach and ensure that the general public understood I wanted to do this great work in a professional manner .
  • It showed that I honoured the tarot community and was willing to work within the rules.


  • It doesn’t mean that I have revisited my code or that I follow it.  I do, but certification does not ensure this.
  • It doesn’t prove what type of experience I had or currently have.   Was / are the readings that I had to prove I did for friends and family or were they paid readi1ngs for strangers?  Sure, the certification requirements said I needed the readings to be of a quality that someone would pay for but that’s subjective.
  • There is no standard code.  It is by personal preference.  While I prefer that, there are no standards for the general public to rely on.
  • The certification shows where I was at the time.  As well as doing readings, I’m now an instructor and write about tarot yet I do not “currently” see the need to upgrade my status *officially*.  If I get certified, it won’t show that I’m any less or more of an instructor or tarot author.
  • Certification is not regulated*.  Anyone can certify anyone in Tarot or any other divination / psychic ability.  In fact, I certify readers through my school — Divine Class
  • It doesn’t show that I’m in good standing with the certifying body.
* Some governments require that a reader or psychic be licensed or certified; however, to my understanding they don’t go through any hoops or hurdles (except for paying for the license, etc.) to indicate they are accurate or abiding by professional standards of conduct and service.
There’s probably more pros and cons and I’m open to hearing them.  But at this time, No, I don’t think it matters if a reader is certified if someone is wanting to know if a reader is “accurate” and in the end, that’s what most seekers want (in a reading) — accuracy.  Certification does have its benefits but there is no ultimate security that a certified reader makes for a better reader.

Link: Colour Lovers — Vote and Choose your color for 2010

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

Colour therapy is an important part of the work I do.   Colour can sadden us or brighten us.  It can make us stressed or feel at peace.  Colour is a very important part of our lives.  When someone is looking for love, I suggest they wear pink.  Pink is the colour of love and it welcomes people in to love you when they view it.

Check this totally rocking site.

My username is PsychicJucy >>

& Choose & Vote for your 2010 Colour